Monday, February 4, 2008
Blog 3- Pigs, huts, and people(Jack)
I had my nose so close to the ground I could smell the dirt. I crept forward slowly, trying to be furtive. I put my hand down and a barb stuck into it. I yelped, bewildered at what had happened. I stood up to go back. I didn't realize how oppressive the heat was till now. I was walking back a new way to hopfuly find a pig. I held my spear upright and walked along silently, with a glimmer in my eye, I saw pig dropings and deeper tracks in the ground. I ran as I heard the sound of their hoofs hitting the hardened path. I saw one and shot my spear at it. The small animal squieled. I ran towards it, but tendrils blocked my way. I was mad, I had wounded the animal. Why not killed it. I looked around as I walked back to the lagoon. The trees with all the flowers and fruits looked festooned. When I got back Ralph just flaunted what he had done. He had worked on the huts all day....... who cared about the huts, we want meat. I guess I was being inscrutable because he seemed to not understand the need for the meat.
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5 comments:
Hey.
I really liked what you wrote,
I especially liked this sentence. It was a very good way of using Glimmer and it was also very detailed.
" I held my spear upright and walked along silently, with a glimmer in my eye, I saw pig dropings and deeper tracks in the ground. "
Good job.
Hey Virginia-
I thought your description was very good and I could picture what Jack was doing. I just have a few technical errors... When you say that Jack had a barb, that is wrong. He actually does not have a barb but a carved spear. Later he tells Ralph that it would be better to have a barb. Also I want to know more about how he thinks about Ralph and his leadership skills. Another thing that I want to know more is what he thinks about Piggy. I just would like more information on that. Otherwise, I though it was a very good story but just consider those requests.
-Skylar
Virginia
I HATE IT! Just kidding, it's really good and discribtive. I like how you described the patting of the pigs feet. It was a nice touch. Just one thing, when you add the little dots aftr an unfinished sentence it's three so it kind like"..." ok! Well good job! ^_^ (I laughed alot at this line "When I got back Ralph just flaunted what he had done." but in a good way!)
-Leyla
Hey Virginia,
Great job. Very brief, but descriptive. I espescially love this sentence:
"I had my nose so close to the ground I could smell the dirt."
I really gives me an image of Jack!
"I didn't realize how oppressive the heat was till now."
I liked this sentence because I thought it was very descriptive about how the sun was burdening him.I thought you used the word oppressive well. Everything is good except for some spelling errors like the word squealing. Otherwise, nice work.
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